This quote hit different
I decided to spend some of my daily Instagram budget. (I keep it capped at 30 minutes) Scrolling through stories, this quote from @ernestoreisfh stopped me:
“Don’t expect anyone will come to help you, but you can help someone.”
The thing is, this captures something I’ve been trying to articulate for years. Not in a cynical way - more like a principle for life.
The experiment mindset
You know how in product design we talk about not making assumptions about user behavior? This quote is basically that, but for life expectations.
I’ve noticed that every time I’ve expected help - genuinely expected it as a given - I’ve set myself up for frustration. But when I’ve approached situations assuming I need to figure it out myself, any help that comes feels like a bonus feature, not a missing requirement.
This isn’t about being a lone wolf or rejecting community. It’s about ownership. When you truly own your problems and feel responsible for them, you approach them differently.
The helping side of the equation
Here’s where it gets interesting. The second part - “you can help someone” - isn’t presented as an obligation. It’s a capability.
I’ve been running this as an informal experiment for the past few years. Not tracking metrics or anything, but consciously looking for small ways to help without being asked.
Holding doors open is too easy. I mean things like:
- Sharing that documentation I wrote or Loom video I’ve recorded even though “it’s not my job”
- Connecting two people who should definitely know each other or are working on similar things
- Answering questions in Slack channels I don’t need to be in
- Proposing solutions to problems I believe are systemic
- Checking on people to see how they’re doing from time to time. Not everything needs to be about work.
The weird thing? It creates this positive feedback loop. Not because people help you back - remember, we’re not expecting that. But because it just feels good to be useful. It’s like doing something that actually improves someone else’s life.
Why this works (I think)
There’s something liberating about releasing yourself from expectations of others while simultaneously expanding your capacity to contribute.
I’ve noticed this approach leads to better relationships too. When you help without expecting reciprocation, and when you tackle your challenges without assuming others will jump in, interactions become cleaner. No hidden resentments. No unspoken IOUs. Just genuine exchange when it happens naturally.
Most of the times help does come, and it’s beautiful when it does. But building your life on the assumption it won’t? That seems like a good mindset.
The practice
So how do I actually apply this? (Because what’s the point of a principle you can’t implement?)
- For the “don’t expect help” part: I try to approach every problem with the question “How would I solve this if I had to do it alone?” Usually, I don’t end up alone. But starting there means I’m prepared either way.
- For the “help someone” part: I aim for a few small helpful actions daily. Nothing that depletes me. Nothing that creates obligation. Just small acts of usefulness/kindness into the world.
Is it working? I’d say yes, but mostly because I feel more… settled? Like I’m running on a more stable mental space. Less crashes when external dependencies fail.
I’m writing this post partly to remember this feeling, this principle. Maybe I’ll read this in a year and think I was being too simplistic. Or maybe I’ll thank myself for the reminder.
The quote came from an Instagram story that’s already gone, but the idea remains. A design principle for life, discovered by accident while aimlesly watching short videos. Sometimes the best insights come when you’re not looking for them.