This quote hit different
I decided to spend some of my daily Instagram budget. (I keep it capped at 30 minutes) Scrolling through stories, this quote from @ernestoreisfh stopped me:
“Don’t expect anyone will come to help you, but you can help someone.”
The thing is, this captures something I’ve been trying to put into words for years. Not in a cynical way, more like a simple way to think about life.
The mindset shift
To me, this is a reminder to assume less, especially about what other people will do.
I’ve noticed that when I expect help as a given, I usually end up frustrated. But when I start by assuming I’ll need to figure it out myself, any help that comes feels like a gift, not something missing.
This isn’t about being a lone wolf (pun intended) or rejecting community. For me, it’s mostly about responsibility. Starting from “this is on me” changes how I react.
The helping side of the equation
Here’s the part I really like. The second half, “you can help someone”, doesn’t sound like pressure. It sounds like possibility.
I’ve been trying this quietly for the past few years. No metrics, no checklist, just looking for small ways to help without being asked.
Holding doors open is too easy. I mean things like:
- Sharing that documentation I wrote or Loom video I’ve recorded even though “it’s not my job”
- Connecting two people who should definitely know each other or are working on similar things
- Answering questions in Slack channels I don’t need to be in
- Proposing solutions to problems I believe are systemic
- Checking on people to see how they’re doing from time to time. Not everything needs to be about work.
What surprised me is how this changes your day. Not because people will help you back, that’s not the point. It just feels good to be useful, even in small ways.
Why this helps me (I think)
There’s something freeing about expecting less from others while still trying to contribute more.
I’ve also noticed this helps relationships. When you help without expecting a return, and handle your own challenges first, things feel simpler. Less resentment, less keeping score, more honest connection.
Most of the time help does come, and it’s great when it does. I just try not to build my plans around it.
The practice
So how do I actually apply this?
- For the “don’t expect help” part: I start with “How would I solve this if I had to do it alone?” Usually I don’t end up alone, but that starting point keeps me moving.
- For the “help someone” part: I try to do a few small useful things each day. Nothing heroic, nothing draining, just consistent acts of kindness.
Is it working? I think so, mostly because I feel more settled. Less disappointment when things don’t go as planned.
I’m writing this post partly so I don’t forget this feeling. Maybe I’ll read it in a year and think it was too simple. Or maybe I’ll be glad I wrote it down.
The quote came from an Instagram story that’s already gone, but the idea stayed with me. I found it by accident while aimlessly watching short videos. Sometimes the best insights show up like that.